


Ikanaide

by authenticmakki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Based on a Vocaloid Song, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graduation, M/M, Song: Ikanaide | Don't Go, The third years are going to college
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:14:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25362946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authenticmakki/pseuds/authenticmakki
Summary: No one is ever really ready to say goodbye, especially when they're saying goodbye to their better half.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 16





	Ikanaide

You can’t stop time, that’s just how it is. No matter how happy you are at that moment. You can’t go back to it, you can’t fast forward it, more importantly you can’t stop it. It doesn’t seem fair but life doesn’t care for anyone.

**_S_** ** _aying nothing, I held my tongue_ **

He was here again, thinking. It wasn’t the first time he was thinking about this, about him. For his whole life he grew so accustomed to a reassuring presence with him at all times. Since they were kids Iwaizumi and Oikawa had followed each other throughout their whole lives. How could you possibly not be thinking about how to cope with leaving them? 

On nights like this Oikawa would always tell himself it was fine and that nothing would change between them. Deep down he knew this was merely a wish. As much as it hurt to think about Iwaizumi leaving, he could never stop the idea from popping back into his head. 

**_I really wanted to stop walking._ **

He’s seen Iwaizumi studying and doing his best in his studies during their third year. Of course this meant nothing to Oikawa then, but when he really thought about it those were already blunt reminders that time was marching on. Iwaizumi was preparing to graduate and go to college right in front of him. 

**_Although I saw you walk briskly forward with quick steps,_ **

Oikawa wanted nothing more than for his best friend to succeed in life and to do so much with his time. If he wanted so badly for Iwaizumi to succeed then why did he want to be stuck in this period of time with him forever?

Why did he want to keep Iwaizumi from reaching for the stars just as badly as he wanted him to reach them? Selfishness is the conclusion he drew. That simply wasn’t true. He was happy whenever he knew Iwaizumi was there with him but now that he’s realized it, once they graduate he won’t have precious Iwa to be with anymore.

This was a truly scary feeling. The fear of being alone. He didn’t want that. Oikawa shivered at the thought. A quiet sigh left his mouth as he turned to look out his bedroom window. He ran a hand through his hair lazily. The brunette got up and walked over to his desk. His hands traced over the wood then found their way to the drawer handle. Pulling on it gently, the setter began to rummage around for a bit. A sad smile stained Oikawa’s face when he found his little treasure. 

It was a photograph of him and Iwaizumi at Kitagawa First. 

“Those were some fun times.” Oikawa mumbled softly.

That was a time in their life where their bond grew so strong. Oikawa used to only think about himself and things that he wanted to achieve. It wasn’t until that fateful day that argument happened.

“There are six players on the volleyball court! Even if our opponent's some genius first-year or Ushiwaka, the team with the better six is stronger, you dumbass!”

Blinded by his ego as always. It was no surprise that Iwaizumi was the one who kept Oikawa grounded when he got lost in his head. It was almost as if Oikawa needed Iwaizumi to keep him stable, like a balloon that needed to be held at all times to keep it from floating away. Constantly given reality checks by Iwaizumi with his force, that was something he was thankful for.

Oikawa now sat on his bedside examining the picture further. Memories flashed through his head like a movie. Random memories that made him happy. Memories that were happy before but now only brought him grief.

His eyes stung with tears that threatened to fall. Oikawa didn’t want to cry again, he was tired of crying. Before he would laugh at how cliche it was to say “Let’s stay friends forever” now he knew that those people were probably trying to convince themselves that they weren’t going to be left behind and forgotten by their partner. 

The photograph now lay on his nightstand. The happy memory frozen in time. Oikawa faced the wall. It all hurt so much. His brown eyes clouded with sadness and exhaustion. He succumbed to sleep and the brunette let himself doze off.

**_I am simply watching you._ **

Oikawa sat in class, more silent than usual. He was lost in thought again. It didn’t occur to him that class actually was dismissed and he was allowed to leave. This was until he felt a very abrupt and powerful slap hit his arm that supported his head, effectively causing the setter to slam his face into the desk.

“Hey what was that for Iwa-chan~?” 

Iwaizumi was the only person who was able to be so casually violent towards Oikawa. The smug player was always aware of this so he had no time figuring out who made him break his skull against a desk.

“You’re wasting your lunch time dumbass.” A brute response came from Seijoh’s ace. He pulled a chair towards his captain’s desk and sat in it. Iwaizumi was unwrapping his container, not paying any mind to Oikawa anymore. 

Brown eyes examined the angry ace. Out of all the people Oikawa could’ve called his loyal partner, he got this one. He really couldn’t complain though, he knew how difficult he was to be taken care of. Oikawa watched Iwaizumi grow up. He watched him mature into someone amazing and he took extra notice of that now.

“You gonna eat or what?” Iwaizumi growled.

“I-I will, no need to get angry with me mom!” Oikawa smiled nervously back.

A sharp glare was pointed directly at Oikawa’s soul. He was used to getting death glares from this wing spiker but that never changed how intimidating it was. A part of Oikawa was happy to have someone as intense as Iwaizumi watching over him. If he was any softer than he is now Oikawa would have never listened to him.

Despite Iwaizumi’s scolding, Oikawa still found himself observing his friend in front of him. He couldn’t get past how calm he looked while eating. A soft smile crept on to the captain’s face as he found comfort in Iwaizumi’s company. He bent over and grabbed his lunch container as well, unwrapping it with care.

“What happened?” Iwaizumi asked out of the blue. He didn’t look up at Oikawa as he was more focused on his food. “You were overthinking again weren’t you? I wonder how those girls fawn over you when you look like you haven’t slept in weeks.”

“Am I not allowed to choose when I sleep?” Oikawa replied. He knew Iwaizumi’s assumption was correct but he couldn’t tell him that. That he was thinking of not having Iwaizumi by his side anymore, that when they graduated he would miss him like crazy, that he was losing sleep because all he could think about was Iwaizumi.

“Just don’t overdo it again. I know you. You’re an idiot who doesn’t stop thinking.” His voice was angry as ever but his words were laced with genuine concern for his captain.

“We’re graduating soon you know..”Oikawa sighed. The air in the room changed as the words left his mouth. It was a sad note he sang just now and that was very apparent.

“Yeah I know that. What are you worried about anyways? How you probably won’t swoon any women when you grow older and uglier?” 

Oikawa winced at the unreasonably rude comment, “I will not become ugly thank you very much and even if I did they would love my personality. What about you huh Iwa-chan? Not like any girls will fall for your ugly personality!”

Iwaizumi’s eye twitched, clearly offended in every way by his retort. Oikawa earned a wonderful smack to his head. If Iwaizumi wasn’t holding back Oikawa was sure he could get a concussion. 

So casually they could act like this with each other. As many times as he said he hates Oikawa this simply was not true. If anything he admired Oikawa. Both boys had a mutual respect for one another so the ‘abusive’ tendencies were their way of saying “I love you”. 

Oikawa rubbed his temple where Iwaizumi had slapped him. Oh how he wanted to stay with him just a little longer. He was happy to have the relationship he had with his vice captain. They were so so close and almost inseparable. Though just as Oikawa looked at his partner it was like waking up and remembering you didn’t do your homework. Instantly a wave of sadness fell over Oikawa again. Remembering he had to savour his time with Iwa-chan before he was gone from his side. They only had so much more seconds together before it was their time to part. 

“If you happen to get a girlfriend and have a wedding, I better be your best man or else I am suing you.” Oikawa pouted and crossed his arms. 

Was he really this clingy? Perhaps he was just attached to Iwaizumi after being tied to him for all these years. Iwaizumi was a big part of Oikawa’s life and it was the same vice versa. They were each other’s balance. It’s difficult to be okay with separating from the person who defended you all those years.

“You are not invited to the wedding at all Loserkawa.” Iwaizumi scowled. 

“I’ll be the best uncle to your children you know~.”

“My children will be blessed to not ever know you.”

An exaggerated gasp came from the setter. He placed a hand over his heart and clenched his shirt. “So so cold today~.”

Oikawa went through his locker. He was going to miss Aoba Johsai too. He built a kingdom here. He fought by their side until the bitter end. He took care of his team and cherished every game with them. Oikawa led his team with his three comrades. The Core Four as they were dubbed by many. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were just as important to him as Iwa-chan was. They were tightly knit together. They cried with him, laughed with him, and played by his side. He wasn’t going to forget them.

Now closing his locker door, Oikawa turned to leave. The longer he walked, the more he thought about his team. The team with many colourful players. He entrusted Yahaba with the title of official setter and captain. His cute little successor was going to walk in his shadow and maybe do what he never was able to accomplish.

Nationals. Wasn’t that a sad little thing to think about. His dream was to lead a team to Nationals with Iwaizumi. That bastard Ushiwaka was the only wall in his way. He was stopped many many times and kept from reaching his dream. Seijoh always came so close to the Nationals stage but just barely missed a step.

“Oikawa!” A voice yelled from behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts again.

Oikawa looked to where the voice was headed from. His eyes widened slightly seeing a bouncy lower classman headed to him. 

“I have the milk bread from that bakery near my place.” The younger male smiled. He was an admirer of Oikawa’s, a loyal follower. 

“Ahh thank you Kindaichi~.” The upperclassmen sang. He pulled out a small amount of change to repay Kindaichi. “Kunimi isn’t with you?”

“He likes to leave early so he has more time to sleep.” Kindaichi smiled sheepishly “He’s probably outside though.”

“Take care of him now Kindaichi~.” Oikawa replied and patted the Onion Head’s back.

He was someone Oikawa liked to have around him. Kindaichi was very innocent and followed Oikawa wherever he went. It made him happy to know that he was able to inspire his lowerclassmen. 

Graduating meant he was going to leave them. To him, they were like babies that needed to be looked after. He trusted them however, because he’s taught them everything they needed to know about being a team. Oikawa’s seen them play and how they are with each other. He was aware of their different personalities and their strengths and weaknesses. It scared him a little to leave them behind without a captain like himself. Call him what you want but this was out of the attachment and relationship he had with his team.

**_You got on the last train, leaving me behind_ **

He shifted the strap of his bag into a more comfortable position as he walked down the steps in front of his school. At the bottom of the steps stood his good friends.

“What took you so long?” Hanamaki questioned. 

“He was getting his Onion minion to get bread for him again..” Matsukawa added.

“Not again, you manipulative bastard. Getting the lowerclassmen to run errands for you.” Iwaizumi cringed.

“I’ve said this before Iwa-chan, the bakery near Kindaichi’s house has the best milk bread.” He whined.

Walking alongside his friends to the station made Oikawa feel at ease. He was not alone and it felt calming to know that.

Graduation was coming uncomfortably closer now. This didn’t sit well with Oikawa, not at all. It had become routine for Oikawa to stay up later than usual and let his heart scream in pain as he felt his friend slip through his fingers. 

**_I started running, and the ground slowly slipped away_ **

He clutched his pillow close to his chest. There he lay in agony, shuffling around uncomfortably. Oikawa was in pain like never before. Why? Why him? There was so much he wanted to do in high school, so much more things he wanted to accomplish with his team. Oikawa couldn’t hold his tears any longer. Hot tears streamed down his face and wet his pillow. He wanted to stay in this school longer. He wanted to be with his volleyball team longer. He wanted to be with Iwa-chan longer. Why did it all have to come to a close now? 

**_I shouldn't cry, I shouldn't cry, but it really hurts_ **

Oikawa was powerless. He felt so lost. For once in the captain’s life, he wasn’t sure what he could do. You couldn’t just turn back the clock or freeze time, that’s not how it works but damn did he want it to be like that. 

**_"Don't go."_ **

Oikawa’s sobs were muffled by his pillow and slowly faded away as he drifted off to sleep. While he was asleep, his mind was empty. The setter’s brain let him sleep in peace. He didn’t have to think about what was coming, he could focus on getting rest again.

“Oikawa, as a third year I expected you to know by now when school started. You’re very close to graduation so this kind of behaviour is unacceptable. Next time I suggest sleeping earlier.”

Oikawa winced at the scolding he was receiving. With a nod the setter was dismissed from his class. With a breath of relief, the male walked down the hall to his next class. As he opened the door he let out a yawn, now regretting sleeping at 3 in the morning. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now.

Oikawa raised his head from the desk as he was surrounded by the sound of clapping. He sweatdropped and clapped as well not wanting to stand out. 

A chorus of laughter erupted from the class as they all turned to Oikawa and slowly ceased their clapping.

“Oikawa, perhaps you should sleep at home rather than at school.”

Twice in one day, unbelievable. His face flushed as he nodded at his teacher. 

At his locker once again, Oikawa scratched his head thinking about all the scolding he got today. 

“I should really sleep tonight.” He muttered softly.

“Yeah you really should.” That angry voice was back yet again. “I know you’re a perfect boy so something serious is up if you can get yelled at for sleeping in.”

Here it was again. Oikawa really couldn’t escape Iwaizumi’s concern. He could pick up slight discrepancies in Oikawa’s behaviour and immediately deduct something was wrong.

“Iwa-chan I can assure you I was up studying for college and-.”

“Stop lying you know you can’t dance around the truth with me!”

This stopped Oikawa from talking. What was he going to do now? It was futile to try and avoid the truth but he really didn’t want to be honest with him.

With a scoff Iwaizumi began walking away. Oikawa trailed behind him silently. The pair not speaking yet. 

**_You disappeared into the distance, leaving me behind_ **

When they got to the station Iwaizumi finally spoke up, “Just go to sleep early today. I can’t have our captain ruining his reputation right before he graduates.” 

No matter how hard Oikawa tried, he just couldn’t sleep. Maybe his body got used to not sleeping until an ungodly hour or maybe his thoughts were the culprit again. Oikawa reached over to his phone and checked the time. He squinted at the bright screen until his eyes adjusted to the light. It was only 9:41pm this was usually when he would start to feel drowsy before he messed up his sleep schedule.

“Maybe if I made myself tired I could sleep.” He said to himself. With that he put on a light sweater and grabbed his volleyball and snuck outside to play for a bit.

He walked to a small park to play. Oikawa didn’t want to wake his family or neighbours so he ended up leaving. 

His fingertips made contact with the ball and set it up perfectly above him. He felt calm as he continued to volley the ball. His mind spiraled off to some of his past games. The rush of adrenaline as he set up his spiker. The way he felt when he served an ace. When he completely faked out the opposing team’s blockers and scored a point. All those memories came flooding back. 

**_I can't see you anymore, the night collapsing_ **

He was here again on the court. He looked over and he was with his team again. Oikawa heard cheers and screams. The ball was headed out of bounds. It was like all his instincts kicked in and sent his body running after the ball. His body turned and faced towards the opposite side of the court. There stood his ace, his vice captain, and his loyal partner. A smile found itself on his lips. The ball was positioned so perfectly in the air, here it was, this was going to end the game. 

“Iwa-chan!” Was what he called out as he set the ball up. 

**_I shouldn't cry, I shouldn't cry, but it really hurts_ **

Everything came crashing down as the ball left his fingers. The sound of a ball hitting the concrete woke Oikawa up from his dream. There was no one there, he was completely alone. His legs didn’t move, so he stood there looking at the ball that had landed directly across from him. 

**_"Don't go."_ **

The pain in his chest had gotten severely worse as he awoke to the realization of what today was. 

“N-no please..” Was what came from Oikawa as he checked the date on his phone

This was it. It was finally his graduation day. This was his final goodbye to Aoba Johsai. Reluctantly, he got out of bed and got dressed.

He sat anxiously in his chair waiting for his name to get called so he could get his diploma and get out of there. His gaze always wandered over to Iwaizumi. The more he looked at him the sadder he got. He really did not want to graduate so soon. 

“Oikawa Tooru.”

**_Just like the festival will always end_ **

And just like that it was over. Everything he had built was now a memory of the past. Oikawa had to let go of his roots and let his team walk on its own.

His team was there to say their goodbyes and thank yous. He saw their sad expressions, even Kyoutani looked sad to see them go.

Oikawa walked over to the team’s next captain and placed a hand on his back gently. “I’m leaving them to you Yahaba.” He whispered.

“I won’t let you down captain.” Yahaba choked out through tears.

“Not the captain anymore, that title is yours now~.” Oikawa smiled sadly. He really was proud of his younglings. A part of him was excited to see how they’ll do in the future. The other was afraid of the fact that maybe they won’t be able to stay strong.

**_I know that night will come without fail._ **

As the third years began their exit Oikawa looked back one last time at the school he had grown so accustomed to. Those walls he would miss, his locker that held all sorts of things he thought were special, but more importantly the people within those walls. Oikawa was leaving them behind to go on his own journey.

**_Although you looked more alluring than usual_ **

He really felt the weight of the graduation now. The third years had all dispersed after sharing a meal together. Alone he walked down the sidewalk. In silence he found himself thinking back on everything he had done in Seijoh. It was a bittersweet ending for him. He wasn’t satisfied with it at all. One more game, one more tournament, one more chance, one more time.

**_I am simply watching you._ **

Nothing could turn back the clock.

**_Only time passes, pulling me along_ **

Oikawa found himself at the little park again. He sat on the swingset and stared up at the sky. It was clear that day. 

Tears welled up in his eyes as he finally realized he was alone again. There was a period in his life where he was alone but that was so long ago. This wasn’t an easy thing to deal with and it made him feel a heavy pain. He felt his eyes sting with tears. He didn’t want to cry. He wasn’t going to cry, but he wanted to throw his feelings out into the sky. He wanted so desperately to cry out and beg the world to go back in time. Oikawa opened his mouth to say something but no words escaped his mouth.

**_Even though the way home is dark, I wonder if you'll be alright alone_ **

Oikawa clenched his chest as he felt tears drop from his eyes. This wasn’t enough for him, he wanted more time. He wanted to be with Iwaizumi for longer. Why did it all have to end now?

**_In the light of the street lamp,_ **

**_my shadow is alone_ **

“D-don’t cry, s-stop crying Tooru..”He muttered while wiping his eyes.

Oikawa got up from the swing and grabbed his bag off the ground, preparing to leave. He sniffled as he got his bag over his shoulder.

A powerful hand slapped the setter’s back. It was a hit so recognizable to Oikawa. One that made the tears come back purely because of who had hit him.

“Y-you dumbass..” Iwaizumi huffed. “Stop crying wouldja?”

Oikawa turned around and saw the person he was having a hard time letting go of. He was trying to get used to not seeing his face anymore but there he was in front of him once again. 

In one swift motion, Oikawa was embraced by his best friend. Oikawa felt his warmth engulf him. A familiar fuzzy feeling appeared in the former captain’s chest. The comfort he felt being intimate with Iwaizumi made him smile.

With shaky hands he wrapped his arms around the former ace as well. 

“Iwa-chan..I-I’m not ready to leave you..”Oikawa sobbed, unable to hold it back anymore. “There was so much we were supposed to do together!”

**_You disappeared into the distance, leaving me behind_ **

Iwaizumi let Oikawa vent out his feelings. He was his pillar after all, this was something he was an expert at. He listened to his longtime partner sob and cry, not caring that his shoulder was soaked now.

“Iwa-chan we were supposed to go to nationals together! We were supposed to beat Ushiwaka and be the last ones on the court. Us! We were supposed to take our team to nationals and win it all and and..” Oikawa ranted through the tears.

**_Yet again, the night wells up completely_ **

“Yeah I know, I know..”Iwaizumi whispered, holding back his own tears.

He wanted to scream out his frustrations too but he knew that that wasn’t going to make the situation any better. It was so painful to think about. They never got to achieve their childhood dream together. It weighed so heavily on them both.

**_I shouldn't cry, I shouldn't cry, but it really hurts_ **

After what seemed like an hour they let go of each other. Oikawa’s face was red and puffy and tear stained. Iwaizumi was red but wasn’t as bad as Oikawa.

**_"Don't go."_ **

The setter bid his farewell to Iwaizumi sadly. He didn’t want to leave but he knew better than to keep Iwaizumi there any longer. He already felt guilty for wanting to keep Iwaizumi stuck in time with him forever. Oikawa turned to walk away now but immediately stopped in his tracks.

**_I shouldn't cry, I shouldn't cry, but it really hurts_ **

  
**_“Don’t go_ **.” He heard Iwaizumi plead.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the a cover of Ikanaide on youtube by mugi N0mura they edited the cover so it sounded like a duet with Oikawa and Iwa-chan and it made me rlly sad


End file.
